Oh, Ye of Little Education

When I’m hanging around Facebook doing my thing, I sometimes get messages from people who have encountered a certain breed of people. You know the kind: simple minded, selfish, arrogant, sense of entitlement. I’m always surprised by the stupidity that pops up on the newsfeeds of FaceSpace.

This particular instance happened not too long ago and I was sent screen shots of the discussion. I don’t think I could have facepalmed any harder. I want to share this with you all in hopes that you can educate others… and laugh at this jackass. Of course, all names and photos are censored to protect identity, but not their idiocy.
This is part one where I’m going to make a post about this man’s status and critique it. The second part will be the reactions of fellow Facebookers and his responses. You’ll want to stay around for that, I promise.

dl1

This is a status that a young man posted to his FB wall. I’m going to break down what he is trying to say in the best way possible.


Ok so nothin but lesbians in this area


Apparently he lives in a town/city/community where the population is mostly homosexual women. This should be his first clue that he might not be in the right place. I would like to know where he got this census information that states the women living in that area are lesbians. Also, let me fix this for you, young man:

Okay, so there are nothing but lesbians in this area.”

I kind of think you should specify what area. You could be at a resort for LGBT or a conference for homosexual women.


admit it ladues u say u want a man but just hook up with pussies that can’t defend you just bluff or with mooching dildos.


Um… what? I am pretty positive that if a woman is a lesbian, she doesn’t want a man. Let’s make an equation for you in the hope that you’ll better understand a homosexual relationship.

woman x woman = lesbian
man x man = gay
woman x man = heterosexual

Are you getting this? So I think it’s safe to say that these “ladues” you speak of aren’t heterosexual, but maybe, oh I don’t know, bisexual or homosexual. It seems you’re being very ignorant and judgmental about a person’s sexuality. That makes you an ass.
Another thing I have to ask is, are you referring to “pussies” as weak men or lesbians? The second part of your sentence is confusing to say the least. What is a mooching dildo? How do the “pussies” bluff?
Here’s what I think this sentence should look like (maybe you’ll learn grammar).

“Admit it, ladies. You say that you want a man, but you just hook up with pussies that can’t defend you. They just bluff or… “

I’m sorry. I can’t for the life of me figure out what “with mooching dildos” means. Good on you for using proper punctuation at the end.


I believe if someone publicly disrespects the woman ur with they should be publicly knocked on their ass n a man should be able to sexualy satisfy his eoman as well as finacialy the same. 


Oh Jesus Christ, child. I was told you were young, but I don’t think you passed the fifth grade with that English. Let’s address the subject of this sentence. Yes, if someone disrespects your significant other in public, something should be said. It’s not decent to knock them on their ass unless they provoked physical violence first. Stay classy, shit bag. The second part isn’t wrong in a sense, but…

inconceivable_means_02

Eoman is an Old Saxon term meaning “a man.” Eo is a and man is, well, man. I know this must have been a typo, but your history with spelling convinces me you believe this to be right. I would say that you have a good sense of how a relationship should work no matter what gender the people are. That is, if that’s what the two people agree on. Sometimes a woman might want to support her family and so on.  Here, I fixed this for you:

“I believe if someone publicly disrespects the woman you’re with, they should be publicly knocked on their ass. A man should be able to sexually satisfy his woman as well as doing the same financially.”


If you’re going to use the conjunction and in a sentence, make sure you spell it out because that just looks like you’re saying “on their ass in a man…” and that’s just ridiculous. Also, don’t use conjunctions to make a run-on sentence.


I’m looking for a good looking woman nice rack bangin ass n a beautiful face tjsy hasnt had 10 kids by 5 dif dudes


Oh, you were doing so good on punctuation! What happened? Surely, someone taught you the correct way to use commas. Wait, it seems not. I’ll get to grammar in a moment. We have to talk about what you mean in writing this.
Yep, I’m pretty sure you are objectifying women. I wonder why a charming young man, such as yourself, doesn’t have a significant other. Obviously, this woman you’re fantasizing about doesn’t exist unless she has been under the surgeon’s knife. Don’t lie to me, boy. I know what kind of woman you like.

human-barbie-doll-gq-magazine-april-2014-women-photos-01

If only you were on par. Oh, on par means a level of equality. You see, one thing you might not realize is that women have standards too. What makes you think that it is women who have the issue and not you?
I don’t know what part of the country you’re hanging out at, but if every woman has ten kids by five different men, then it sounds like you might be in a cult.
Alright, proofreading time: “I’m looking for an attractive woman with a nice rack, banging ass, and beautiful face that hasn’t had ten kids by five different dudes.”
I added a few things like “an attractive” in front of woman because I’m looking for a good looking woman shouldn’t have looking in there twice. A common grammatical rule is that you write out numbers from one to ten. I swear, man. If you’re trying to come off as educated, you’re failing miserably.

Okay… home stretch.


any left single in this area prob not call me shallow or what u will but I’m not I’m jyst a man knows what he is attracted to


Thank the imaginary deities that this is almost over.
*Deep breath*
IF YOU ARE LIVING IN AN AREA WITH NOTHING BUT LESBIANS, WHY WOULD ANY SINGLE ONES WANT YOU?! Just like the Bible, you have contradicted yourself. Also, you’re shallow, arrogant, ignorant, and STUPID! There was the what u will part. You make me want to bash my head in with my desk lamp. I’m so glad you know what you’re attracted to, but you know what? So does everyone else! Huh, how about that? The world sure is a strange place, ain’t it?
So you’re telling any single lesbians left in your area to call you shallow… but you’re not. Then why are you asking? Holy shit, dude. Out of millions of sperm, you managed to pop out of your mother’s womb. I’m so glad this is the end of your status. Here’s your damn proofread.

Any single lesbians left in this area (probably not), call me shallow or what you will. I’m not. I’m just a man who knows what he is attracted to.

You want to specify who or what you’re talking about. For an educated man, you really don’t know how to use commas… or anything else for that matter.

Right. I’m done for now. I have a headache from hell, and I need a drink. I hope you all reading this understand the epidemic of stupid that is infecting this planet.

This is JAFPO reporting. Good night, everyone.

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